COM 3160 Midterm guide

• 3 goals of conflict from a Biblical perspective

1. Glorify God – the reason for Paul urging Christians to live to the glory of God was to have them show honor to God on daily basis in the manner in which they solved conflict ( 1 cor.10:31). By trusting God in the situation, one glorifies God and asks themselves how they can honor Him at that point (Mefrige, 1).
2. Serving others – rather than being bad inherently or sinful, one should see conflict as a chance God’s opportunity to work in us and lives of other people. One shpul see conflict as an a chance to serve others and imitate Christ – 1 Cor 10:31-11:1(Mefrige, 1)
3. Become more like Christ – this involves turning from or avoiding attitudes that can bring about conflict. (Mefrige, 1)

• GET THE LOG OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE
• Overlook another’s offenses –

1. Repentance (to recognize idols/sin) – what makes people to sin against others while responding to conflict is a good desire becomes consuming. The remedy for such kind of behavior is confession and repentance and replacing idols with true worship of God (Peace Maker Ministries,1).

 

• The five steps of changing your attitude from Phil 4:2-9
• Rejoice in the Lord always – this involves bring praise to the Lord and being joyful due to assurance that God can change one’s mind

 

• Let your gentleness be evident to all- this involves humbling oneself which involves a sacrifice for the and thus imitating Christ humility even at the cross.

                  

• Replace anxiety with prayer- as a child of God ones should praying always for forgiveness and asking God’s help while solving any conflict.

 

• Think about the good in others - one should stop judging others since everyone is a sinner and anyone who claim to have no seen lies to themselves.

 

• Practice what you’ve learned - the life of a Christian involves faith with actions, so one should put into practice what their faith and thus change an attitude which would result to conflict or make it impossible for conflict resolution (Peace Maker Ministries,1).

 

• The four steps of progression to an idol and cure for an idolatrous heart
• Desire – this is the initial stage of conflict due to desires such as list, vengeance and greed. One has a choice to not dwell on such desires by continuing loving others and earnestly praying.

 

• Demand – desires that are unmet can grow deeper into one’s heart to the extent of legitimizing or justifying them. The more it grows the more one feels entitled to something. The solution is to have desires that are centered on God

 

• I judge - when one judges, they take the place of God and this inclination is a sign of idolatry. When someone does not meet our demands our hearts condemn them. The solution is to observe and assess the behavior of others and minister to them in the right manner which of gentle confrontation.
• I punish – idols need sacrifices and one find ways of punishing others whether unconsciously or deliberately if they do not gratify their desires .the behavior shows self reliance instead relying on God

The solution for an idolatrous heart is to look only to God whose cure is His Son who frees human from sin (Mefrige, 1).

 

1. Self Examination (Make sure you are not:)
2. Using your tongue as a weapon (Reckless words, grumbling and complaining, falsehood, gossip, slander, worthless talk)

 This involves an unbridled tongue and the magnitude of conflict it causes. Using the tongue to complain and grumble means that one’s focus is not on God. Such reckless words if not tamed can cause pain and thus conflict. Falsehood involves deceit or misrepresentation which is accomplished through gossiping truth distortions which all are worthless talks that violates standards set by God (Peace Maker Ministries,1).

 

1. Controlling others – in this case ones’ assumption is that they are never wrong and would want anyone to submit to what they see as the best solution to a conflict.

 

1. Breaking your word – this involves one doing what proceeds out of his mouth and therefore preventing any cases of conflict. A promise kept should be fulfilled and it would be better not to promise than to give a promise and failing to keep it.
2. Failing to respect authority- every authority is instituted by God and to represent him in the world. Obedience to such authority is obedience to God.

 

1. Forgetting the Golden rule – this implies that one should do unto others what they would want done to them.

 

1. Serving sinful desires - the mortal body is canal and it cannot submit the will of God. For one to control their desires they should submit fully to Christ who has the power to do so (Peace Maker Ministries,1).

 

1. Confession
   1. address all involved - involving everyone that you affected
   2. avoid if, but and maybe- trying not to make excuses for the wrongs you have done
   3. admit specifically – admit that your actions and attitudes were wrong
   4. apologize – be sorrowful for hurting other people
   5. accept responsibility/ consequences – be ready to bear the consequences of your actions like making compensation
   6. alter behavior – try to have changes in both your attitude and actions
   7. Ask for forgiveness- approach others to seek forgiveness and ask God o forgive you (Peace Maker Ministries,1)..
2. Personal Change

 

Seeking to change ones attitude in order to prevent hurting others and therefore, getting into conflict. Personal changes begins with having faith that God can change your heart inclinations and thus , lead to change in thoughts and behavior .

 

• GENTLY RESTORE (Go and show your brother his fault)
• The five steps to gently restore from Matthew 18:12-15

Overlooking minor offenses means that one should forgive as many times as possible those offenses that are of little magnitude that may not hurt relationships, dishonoring God or hurting the sinner himself.

Furthermore, when the offence is so serious such that it is hard to forget it, ones should the other party and together they have a redemptive solution through praying for wisdom and humility, assuming the best about them, speaking only for the purpose of building others, requesting for feedback and knowing ones limit sine only God can bring about change in people. If the process fails to offer solution for the conflict, it is wise to ask the company of a spiritually mature person so that the other part van be approached effectively. If no solution is found, one should involve the whole church so that one absolves himself of any blame and an individual who does not want to find a solution should be treated as a non-believer (Peace Maker Ministries,1).

• Important communicative skills for talking through conflict (Chap 8)

Waiting – this involves allowing others to give their side of the story before making any haste conclusion. While the other party is giving their explanation, one should interrupt because doing so would result to further conflict. At that moment one should be comfortable being silent until their chances reaches. While looking for solution, others should be allowed to give their views of possible solution to the problem.

• Attending – all the conflicting parties should be present at the platform for finding a solution so that they can clarify any given information and reflect on what the other has to say. The parties should come to a common agreement on the solution given that everybody’s input was considered. An I statement is a very important tool that can de-escalate conflict and create a conducive atmosphere for finding a solution (Sande, 145)
• GO AND BE RECONCILED
• Forgiveness – things it is not
• A feeling – forgiveness is not a feeling but a commitment to pursue genuine reconciliation

1. Forgetting – it is not shallow statement about forgiving someone but being actively involved in the restoration of a relationship.

• Excusing - there is a common agreement that a wrong was done which damaged the relationship. It is not a matter of forgiving and having nothing to do with other party but seeking a complete reconciliation just as God did or us (Peace Maker Ministries,1)..

 

Forgiveness is a commitment that involves four promises.  Forgiveness is achoice to:

• Not think about the incident (this is unconditional, not dependent on action of other person – it is a commitment you make to God to not dwell on sin of other person)

This involves not dwelling on the incident that brought the conflict but a faithful action to show God that , just as he forgive and forget , one is not willing hold grudge but allow him to break down walls built by our sins.

• Not bring up the incident with the offender again (i.e. not use it against them later)

This involves not punishing the offender by reminding them how much the damage they caused and therefore try not to hold any the other party at a distance.

• Not talk to others about the incident

The point here is to let the incident between you and the conflicting parties and accomplishes the goal of being good to those who do bad to you and never seeking to revenge by exposing them.

• Not allow the incident to stand between you or to hinder your personal relationship

A complete reconciliation is to be sought by breaking all the barriers created by the conflict and thus restoring the relationship. This enables the two of you to live peacefully with each other as far as possible. Therefore assisting them in solving the relationship will go a long way in restoring the relationship.

• Know how the first promise differs from other three

Not dwelling on the incident means that the person will not bring it up again so that to revenge and will bridle their tongue so that the case rest with the two. Furthermore, it means that the individual will let the case to create a distance that may hinder restoration of personal relationship( Peace Maker Ministries,1).

• Overcome Evil with Good (Romans 12:14-21)
• Control your tongue – this involves not letting ones tongue be the source of conflict even when wronged to the extent that they should bless those who curse you .
• Seek godly advisors – when a conflict arises one should not isolate themselves but identify with others to get assistance for solving the incident
• Keep doing what is right – regardless of how much one is wronged, they should continue doing well to others and therefore be an example.
• Recognize your limits - rather than revenging , one should within the channels taught in the bible
• The Ultimate Tool for Good is Love – the final weapon that can deliberately solve the issue the love of God. Focused love will bridge any barriers (Mefrige, 1).

 

 

Scripture passage

 

 In the book of Mathew 18: 10-18, Jesus taught that, when one is wronged, the offended person should go and tell the offender about his wrongdoing. If the offender agrees to listen the other party has gained his brother. If he fails to listen, the person should take along one or two others so that through evidence every charge may be established. If he still does not listen the offended party should inform the church and at the point a failure to listen should make the person be treated a Gentile

References

Sande, Ken. The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict.2010. 63-256

Mefrige , John. Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution in the Church.2010.1. available at : http://holycrossoca.org/newslet/1010.html

Peace Maker Ministries. Conflict Coaching .2015.1. Available at: http://peacemaker.net/project/resolving-conflict-through-christian-conciliation/ The Book of Mathew. Available at: http://biblia.com/books/esv/Mt18.15  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1940 Words  7 Pages

  Order a paper similar to this   Download       Request Removal