The Fall Season of Marriage

1.      Describe the “Fall” season of marriage. (150-200 words)

The Fall season is the transitory state of the marriage relationship that is characterized by a gradual and often imperceptible change from a confiding relationship to one of dissonance. At this stage, the relationship may seem to be okay to outsiders but for the couples, doubts start to seep in on whether the relationship is working as it should. Couples experiencing Fall in their relationship feel sad rejected and worry about what may happen to their relationship. They may feel overwhelmed by insecurities, feel scared of losing each other while feeling emotionally exhausted (Chapman, 2012). This season of marriage does not follow any preset rules and can manifest itself anytime ranging from as early as a few months after getting married to after several decades of marriage. As the season worsens and tends toward Winter tangible manifestations of the failure of the relationship begin to emerge in the form of extramarital affairs and expressions of feeling depressed about the relationship. However, if the season is identified early and the couples work together they can nurse their ailing relationship back to health.

2.      How do people get into this season? (150-200 words).

Failure to proactively work in ensuring that the marriage is successful is the most significant factor that causes couples to enter the fall season in their marriage. Thus neglecting activities that strengthen the relationship based on the wrong assumption that it will sustain itself inevitably leads to the season. Change is the constant more so in relationships and unless the partners work together toward growing closer to each other and change their relationship for the better, they are destined to pursue their interest at the expense of their relationship (Chapman, 2012). Therefore, just like the leaves in the Fall season analogy, marital relationships slowly but steadily transform, when not tended well through communication a marriage relationship will inexorably drift toward deterioration. Therefore, when couples fail to take an honest appraisal of how their feelings and attitudes towards each other are changing, it is only a matter of time before a crisis in their relationship reveals how far the Fall season has advanced their relationship has become.

3.      How do people get out of this season? (150-200 words).

Because change is relentless, a relationship cannot continue perpetually in the fall season. If the couples reach out to each other and reconnect, they can not only restore their marriage but can even enhance it to its potential. On the other hand, if they fail to work together, their relationship may deteriorate further. Either way, they get out of the fall season into spring or winter depending on their actions (Chapman, 2012). For a marriage to survive the fall season and turn out to be better couples need to work on rebuilding their relationship through being more communicative, engaging in shared activities that foster their relationship, and be open-minded to the ideas of each other even though they may not align with their desires (Arumugam, Shanmugavelu, Parasuraman, Ariffin, Manickam, Vadivelu, & Kanapathy, 2021). On the other hand, leaving some of the issues unresolved may lengthen the fall season or tip it into winter where the problems faced by the marriage become more serious to the extent that the couples may consider giving up on their relationship.

4.      What are three things that you can learn from the Fall season of marriage. (150-200 words).

The Fall season can be identified by the intensity of the three elements of the season which are its emotions, attitudes, and actions. Couples can identify they are in the Fall season if they begin to feel sad, insecure, feel rejected, and overwhelmed, and feel anxious about their relationship (Overall, Chang, Pietromonaco, Low & Henderson, 2021). The attitudes of the Fall season can be identified by a lethargy that leads the couple to neglect to work together to maintain a good relationship with each other. This is manifested by living separate lives and losing common interest even though the couples are superficially still together. The actions of the Fall season include the decision not to act, neglecting one another, and the relationship. Additionally, there is a lack of commitment and thoughtfulness towards each other, and a partner may begin exercising marital infidelity. The neglect action can manifest itself in varying forms such as failing to communicate with each other adequately, failing to give each the attention they need through spending quality time together, and loss of trust with each other.

5.      Describe some examples of the Fall season of marriage from your personal experience of people you know. (150-200 words).

Rebecca and Jim have been married for five years. Rebecca felt that she was not appreciated, felt confused, and felt unhappy about her relationship with her husband Jim. On the other hand, Jim felt that Rebecca, who is a successful lawyer was more devoted to her job than their marriage but was afraid of what would happen if he broached the subject. Jim is an artist whose business was failing when the lockdowns were implemented and was insecure for not being able to contribute equally to their financial welfare. After realizing that they were drifting apart, they decided to seek advice from their parents who advised them to obtain professional counseling. Jim was able to start selling his art online and together they can earn enough without having to work all the time and this has increased opportunities for enjoying each other’s company than before. Rebecca feels excited about all the things they do together and is happier and feels more loved and appreciated than before.

6.      From a Christian worldview, describe some strategies that you might implement to address the Fall season of marriage. (150-200 words).

Praying for each other can help to increase the strength to deal with the problems of the Fall season. Because with God everything is possible, cultivating a relationship that is in harmony with the will of God introduces a foundation to the relationship that enables it to weather the storms of life that may distract couples from loving each other as they should. The Fall season of marriage can be addressed by prayerfully dealing with past failures and acknowledging them to seek forgiveness from each other (Chapman, 2012). By choosing a winning attitude that is based on appreciating the blessings of God throughout their lives, couples can safely navigate their relationship from Fall into spring or summer. By counting the blessings of God the partners can acknowledge that being made in the image of God makes every person very precious. Cultivating love for one another in the marriage as advised in the Bible may improve the relationship.

The Winter Season of Marriage

1.      Describe the “Winter” season of marriage. (150-200 words).

The Winter season is a state of the marriage relationship where love for each other is failing and the couples are ready to give up on each other because of the serious difficulties that challenge their relationship. At this state, it is evident to both partners that their relationship is a precarious stage in which they have difficulty communicating peacefully with each other. People in winter often feel lonely, rejected, hurt, angry, and disappointed with each other. Couples feel emptiness instead of devotion for each other which they find very discouraging and have difficulty reaching out to each other that stems from feeling unhappy about their marriage. The season’s duration and commencement vary depending on the different couples and can last decades or months and can begin at any time, early or late in the relationship. If the relationship in this season worsens, the couples may separate or divorce and terminate their relationship. On the other hand, if they work hard to restore it, the marriage can survive winter and may move on to better seasons.

1. How do people get into this season? (150-200 words).

Marriages get into the winter season mainly because the spouses are inflexible and unwilling to empathize with each other. All marriages are faced with difficulties that require navigating, some of which necessitate hard decisions which when they fail to respond to in the right way, find themselves in Winter. The right way of responding to difficulties consists of doing everything together, but when couples are adamant to have their way without considering the interests of each other they tend toward escalating the little conflicts between them into irreconcilable differences. The couples who do not trust one another soon begin to lose confidence in the marriage and allow the coldness of the Winter season into their family life (Chapman, 2012). The couples go through the bare minimum activities of the marriage dejectedly and tend to withdraw into themselves to protect themselves from being hurt. The difficulties of this season often seem insurmountable which makes them isolate themselves from each other both emotionally and physically.

1. How do people get out of this season? (150-200 words).

People can work their marriage to escape Winter by not giving up on hope for sunny days in their relationship. Since the difficulties of marriages in the season may be too heavy for the couple it is easier for them to overcome them when they obtain help from trusted friends, pastors and guidance, and counseling professionals. The difficulties that accompany this season can be transformed into gains when the couple braces to deal with the problems together and often if they overcome the trouble the relationship is strengthened. The path of forgiveness begins with accepting personal failures and shortcomings and acknowledging the efforts of each other to obtain healing for the relationship (Wang, Wang, Feeney & Li, 2016). This way the alienation, pain, and fear can be overcome and the gentle warmth of love can thaw their hearts and enable them to love more deeply. Otherwise, without putting in some effort the relationship may wither away.

1. What are three things that you can learn from the Winter season of marriage? (150-200 words).

The Winter season is characterized by the harshness of the emotions attitudes and actions that must be overcome if the relationship is to be restored. Unwillingness to work together to solve problems widens the gap between couples and results in harsh treatment of one another. A marriage relationship suffers the Winter season whose emotional atmosphere makes the couples feel lonely, dejected, disappointed, angry, and hurt. Winter season’s attitudes are infused with negativity, hopelessness, frustration, and discouragement which compounds the inability to solve problems correctly. People in the Winter season of their marriage act destructively, may avoid speaking to each other, and when they talk use harsh words and or resort to violence. The season can be overcome by managing the emotions, attitudes, and actions to reverse the damage to the relationship. However, the danger of inaction persists and the relationship may spiral downwards until it becomes unbearable to the extent of warranting termination.

1. Describe some examples of the Winter season of marriage from your personal experience of people you know. (150-200 words).

John and Gladys live separately after struggling to save their marriage for over twenty years. Gladys admits that she always felt insecure in the relationship because of John’s inability to provide her with the attention she needed coupled with his short and fierce temper. John recounts often complaining about the icy treatment he received from his wife and recalls frequently being weary of the relentless nagging. Gladys fell into depression although she held on to the relationship mainly because of their two daughters Emily and Jenny. However, as the controversy continued to tear the family apart Gladys fell deeper into depression and had to be hospitalized for being anorexic during the pregnancy of their son Dan. Later on, Dan was born with multiple health complications and when he finally succumbed to them the guilt, remorse and sadness eventually tore the family apart. John and Gladys live separately in different homes and may be considering a divorce. However, with time they may still heal from these wounds and begin to find their way back to each other.

1. From a Christian worldview, describe some strategies that you might implement to address the Winter season of marriage. (150-200 words).

Successfully navigating a marriage from Winter into Spring or Summer requires relentless energy, unyielding determination, and consistent perseverance which only God can provide. Strategies informed by the Christian worldview include acknowledging and rectifying failures, expressing faith in God to heal the relationship, and cultivate a loving commitment to one another that is based on biblical principles. Other strategies that may greatly help rocket the relationship up from the depths of Winter include enhancing listening skills, empathizing with each other, and actively helping each other to succeed. Couples should also appreciate how unique and special their spouses are to them and attempt to positively influence each other towards growing their relationship. The Bible contains countless examples of relationships that seemed hopeless but were restored. For instance, Jacob was estranged from his brother Esau after he swindled his birthright but after years of regret, he tactfully won his brother’s forgiveness and averted a crisis through acts of thoughtful consideration and winning kindness. Couples too struggling in Winter may find their way back to each other and learn from the experience.